Motivation?

Those close to me know how negative my self image is at this point in time.  I guess I'm having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I am getting older.  Now, some may say, "gee Ragu, 27 isn't old!  What are you talking about?"  To that, I respond by pointing out that having been a former NCAA Div. I distance runner, I have been in better shape than most people can even image being.  For me the subtle changes in fitness are amplified to a greater degree than most people would know.  So, yes, where I sit right now fitness-wise is a damn travesty.

My self-loathing was made greater today by this:

http://www.dailymile.com/people/ragurun/training/2010/summary

That's my 2010 year end summary from DailyMile, a handy little online training log.  What got me most is the mileage.  772.  I started running competively as a high school sophomore at the age of 15 in 1998.  Since that time, I have run at least 1100 miles a year, topping out my last couple of years of college at around 3000+/- a year.  That really doesn't seem like it was that long ago...

Yes, I'm a little pissed at myself.  What makes me really frustrated is the talent I'm wasting.  My pr's in college were 14:56 for 5K and 31:40 for 10K, times I ran when I was 21-22, and no where near my physical peak.  I also spent a lot of time in college injured and/or overtrained (or incorrectly trained).  So, I believe there was a lot of potential there that I never reached.  And to be here now, 5 or 6 years later, I really wonder if my best days are behind me.

Now, I have no desire to get into shape to race 5k-10k on the track.  Running on a track at this point in my life just sounds like the most boring thing in the world.  What I have flirted with since college is trail racing, but I just haven't dedicated myself to the mileage it takes to be competitive at those races (I had a flash of potential brilliance in 2008 when I won all three of the "Big 3" Laramie trail races, i.e. Pilot Hill 25K, Jelm Mountain 10-Mile, and Silent Trails 10-Mile).  The big issue now is motivation, getting out and actually doing it, and staying healthy.

I've come back twice in the last three or four years, had a couple of good months of training, only to have a bad hamstring injury (Spring, 2007) and a couple of bad achilles injuries (Spring 2009 and Spring 2010).  Those injuries made me a pedestrian for months at a time.  And given the weight I've gained in the almost three years I've been in grad school, upping mileage is not going to be easy.

So, right now, the goal for 2010 is to get back into it.  Lose some weight, drink less beer, run MORE.  I am 6'1" and currently weigh around 180.  Given my size and build, I am pretty normal, and would not be considered "fat" by most peoples' standards.  However, after having been 152 lbs. during my college days, that is a huge difference.  I don't expect to ever see the 150 range again, but a good 15-20 pounds off would make a big difference.  Consistency is the name of the game. 

With that, I am off to run some hospital hills.

This was me, after the 2005 Mountain West Conference XC Championships.  I placed 21st with an 8K time of 25:32.  Possibly the best race of my life.

EDIT:  For the sake of comparison, here is a photo of me from the Wyoming Invite back in September, 2010.  Second to last place, averaging a 6:30 mile on a 4.25 mile cross-country (golf) course.  Pretty lame.

I think it's pretty obvious where those extra 30 pounds are.  Hello, fat face, beer belly, and big shoulders!